JOSEPH IVO A. AGUINALDO, RN
CATERPILLAR NOTES
-highly emotional child-
I have tried to become the best Romeo in my own simple ways; to imprint with my former Juliet, best buddies, and all other individuals who environ and affect me in the real stage of life. As gentleman, all this time, I am dying to please aforementioned in playing my masterpiece - with salad of adventure. Yet I turned out almost empty-handed except for the few true people, pushing me so hard to battle the rage of time.
I am but a typical one-woman-man. I did some of the sweetest acts to simply put beam with my girlfriend’s face-Rona. We dined together, island hopped, or went shopping mall as chaperone like any other loyal lover. Or we went out dinner date for anniversary celebration with bouquet of red roses and chocolates. Everything was ordinary. Even our 2-year-old relationship that once I thought it was. Not until the day, our tragic ending with my much-loved Juliet surprised me.
I felt so small to realize that my girlfriend gave her fidelity to a fake Romeo over me. I even became microscopic contemplating my life was too much risked on peril because of he manipulative behavior.
Suffice to say, I made the hardest decision in my whole life- to embrace change, as life is unpredictable. So, I faced the changes that it brought to me, took risks and chances, wept into ocean of tears, reaped a definite bleeding heart, and transformed into a better form of me. Eventually concluded, that the thought of constant happy ending in fairytale- to live happily, ever after, transpired so seldom in real world.
So I wore shades, for the future is bright! A very good friend’s advise.
Before, I was like an emotional thermometer that kept on going up and down. My friend Mart in college tagged me this “highly emotional child” due to my hypersensitivity, then, used it as my pen name in my online blogging. Who could blame me for that possession where, in fact, I belonged to a dysfunctional family. So, I so much hate to gain rejection from all the people around me, second in line to partings. Who would like it, anyway? But I did not become less of a man because of becoming so vocal with my emotions. Though, I was misunderstood most of the time. But for the record, I was better off every pouring of my hundred-weighted feelings.
Frankly speaking, I hate good byes. It was maybe, just maybe because I encountered a not-so-good-parting that changed me as a person. Ever since, I hate the merry-making season not for the reason of keeping away to compete with the holiday’s rush hours in purchasing presents in my Christmas list. But at the end of the day, no more family affair to be seen or any spirit of festive union of family members at “Noche Buena” for almost seven years, then. So as momentary escape, I built castles in the air that my Mama Ingkay in Saudi Arabia who cared for a prince’s son joined us every Yuletide.
I felt deprived by the basic ad important piece of my existence; to own if not a perfect family, but a complete, happy one. As add on to my pain, our father of my other two younger siblings; Jay and John, chose to be partially lax in demonstrating his responsibility as a breadwinner of our family. For that, I hate to exist and be one of the many unnoticed part of the society.
Not until the day, when she made a flamboyant entrance to my life. She maneuvered a glitzy start of an inspiring chapter of untold story. She was the Juliet of my life in a perfect kind. While I was the weak Romeo on stage, I loved the feeling of stressful days while somebody decided to ease me up from a physique-and-mental-wearing-nursing career. It was due to hard-to-meet-deadlines to comply my clinical duty in the last year in my nursing course. Then I expressed, “An epitome of care also needs a care!”
Finally, my worth as person elevated into a greater height. There was a feeling of extreme joy and distinct romance in the air. Even at her 17 when I first called her as “ney”, a shortened form of honey. She demonstrated a lot more than of her moderation at her age. I coined a simple thought; that age is not primarily a parameter of maturity, for it is but just a number. And looking back in a memory lane of our past shared romance, it was so perfect! Yet, in my reality checked, I found out that there is no such thing as perfect chronicle. Some closes as early as possible. Others may not, but eventually it would still break your heart, re-memorizing the pain. Even though, you did the very best to portray your actor role as Romeo, if in case, your Juliet played a half-baked performance, you will both deserve “boos” from the audience because it was a duo act. As cliché once said; “It takes two to tango.” Even if you risked so much, like to skip my review classes as preparation for my Nurse’s Licensure Examination because it was her day off from work. Or worse than that, I failed to enroll my review class since the intended penny was just enough to our food and other expenditures good for a month. As a result, I failed my exams. I disappointed my parent’s pride to have licensed nurse’s son and crumpled my self-esteem like a piece of wasted paper.
Speaking of change, if there is something to undo my failures and broken heart; I would say “no” like a toddler in tantrums. Why would I will not let the failures and heart breaks happened, when in fact, it lead me to where I am right now. The experienced made me cried braver and real tears of becoming a man in metamorphosis. It was all learning experienced.
My dependent personality towards my girlfriend negatively affected me, her, and all people. I concluded that too much of being saint is not helpful; sometimes if you want others to pay respect to you, it is a must to demonstrate the sinner side you have. She broke our pact as you-are-all-mine-and-mine-alone-until-our-hairs-turn-to-gray-idea of love. I did everything to win her back and our relationship, nurtured it well, but then, I was a failure.
Today, my Juliet did not die with me in tragic ending. I died myself in my frustration to nurse our love story for the rest of our lives. Our love story died in tragic death. Then, I buried six feet under the ground as my choice. But I don’t have to die with it as mental note. I became a braver Romeo now. I managed to put the initials registered nurse in my name. Though, I cried and mourned f or what was lost with me. But, acceptance followed that things, circumstance, and people now can’t be the same as before. And if we can’t change the situation, we are obliged to change ourselves to be better off. Then, appreciate the worth as a person we are.
I was abandoned by my Juliet in the midst of our real play. Some audience emptied the theater where I performed the Romeo role intended for me. Fewer stayed and cheered me up to pursue the quest and to be wiser this time around.
I now bid good bye temporarily to my Juliet. I maybe an imperfect Romeo but I did my all just make her happy and valuable. But before I take a final curtain call to her life, I wanted to tell her that I loved her so much and she was one of the greatest things that ever happened in my life. I forgave her for her pitfalls and I prayed for the best of her life with sincerity. Next time around, I will be a better Romeo than before to my perfect dreamed NEW Juliet, with head keeping high. I will be patiently waiting for her comeback. And our love story will be a sure box-office hit.
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